I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
