just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
