I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
