I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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