college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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