last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
