the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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