Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
