3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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