It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
