The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
