Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
