Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
