When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
