When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
