while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
