In the future we'll all be gay
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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