i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
