CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I deserve this hangover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
