It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
