We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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