It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
