I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
