okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm too high and old for this...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
