Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
