My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
