Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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