Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
