??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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