I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
