I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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