mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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