shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
