I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
