Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The uberlube is also flammable
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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