Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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