I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
