thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
