i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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