matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
