I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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