Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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