I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Boobs are out for the taking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
