yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
