I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
