How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In America we eat man semen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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