That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
