Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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