so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
