Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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