There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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