Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
