I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
