She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
