I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
