I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
