so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
