things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
